Financial Deal Breakers & Dating
Financial deal breakers and dating, how finance differences can be a sign of incompatibility.
Picture yourself on a lavish date with someone new… there are a string of lights in the background and live music playing as your perfect date gazes up at you with a beautiful smile.
Who wouldn’t fall in love in a place like this? The sights and sounds are enough to sweep you off your feet.
During the honeymoon stage of dating, people often overlook key points that make a partner truly compatible in the long run. It’s easy to focus on impressing someone new rather than to observe the mundane characteristics that help reveal a person’s character and priorities that will be important in the long run.
As Paula Pant writes in her article, Are There Money-Related Relationship Dealbreakers?,
“These are strong symptoms of a fundamental incompatibility — not around money, but around your worldview, values, and vision for the future.
This isn’t about money. The other person’s treatment of money is the symptom. But their wildly-different-worldview is the problem — or at least, the incompatibility.”
It can be exhilarating at the beginning of a relationship to go on lavish dates, romantic getaways, and receive fancy gifts. However, is it truly practical to spend this amount of money for a long time? Most income brackets wouldn’t be able to sustain this kind of courtship. This would be a great time for you to have an honest conversation with yourself about what you are truly looking for. If you are looking to settle down and buy a home in the near future, perhaps going on extravagant dates every week won’t move you closer to that goal.
Besides, all of the “shiny” and glamorous aspects during the first few dates can artificially lead you to believe that a person is more well off than they actually are. It’s important to keep in mind that it takes a long time to truly get to know a person.
Amidst all of the dopamine and endorphins that flood in your psyche (we’ve all been there!) at the beginning of this courtship phase, it would be wise to have an honest look at the things that your date truly prioritizes for the future, what the person thinks is worth spending money on, and if the person values building good financial habits. As Paula writes, “It’s not shallow to view financial habits as a relationship red flag, because the issue isn’t the partner’s net worth — it’s the partner’s priorities.” Besides, it’s much more fulfilling in the long run to fall in love with who a person truly is, rather than all of the money they spend on you.
At Flourish, we believe in taking small steps to help you reach your financial goals. We are here to support you in your journey to become more aware of your financial health and habits. At the same time, it’s healthy to keep in perspective that every person you interact with is also on a financial journey of their own. And, when you have a relationship and a community that supports your positive habits, the stronger you become. #TogetherWeFlourish